Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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