is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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