this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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