What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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