Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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