I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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