I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
