What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
