Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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