the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
