He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
