It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
So. Much. Porn.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
