He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
