she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize