She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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