I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
