well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
