she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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