Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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