I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
