ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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