i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
