he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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