fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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