TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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