I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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