oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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