I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
