dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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