forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
