Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
