He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is Oprah even human
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
