So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
