We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
