eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
