I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
