I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
