there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
