I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize