When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
