omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dear god my vagina.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
