Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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