she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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