so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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