everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
