One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
