My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
