I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
