I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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