She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
