Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
