I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
