I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
