looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
