so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
