weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
