Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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