Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
