and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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