there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
