Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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