The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
