At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
