i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
