your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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