here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
