i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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