I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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