Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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