Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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