i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm always down for nudity.
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