oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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